神明廳---一個家庭的興衰

對神明廳的回憶，停留在篤行路76號的5樓...那份記憶伴著燒香的濃郁氣味和木雕大理石坐椅，以及外頭那座小花園、院裡的大鳥籠...

那天大掃除，媽媽交代我吸全家的地板，打掃到了陌生的神明廳的時候，一抹感觸襲上心頭，想到了這個標題...

上次家裡有神明廳，是1991年之前的事了...之後我們搬出了奶奶家，到陌生的大里，爸媽很諒解的讓我讀完小學，再轉到當地的國中就讀，沒照原來的計畫要我轉學...就這樣，漸漸的被升學壓力壓的什麼其他的都沒時間管的我，淡忘了神明廳、也淡忘了大家庭的一切。

再次回到神明廳，是高中的時候。還記得那天爸爸開著雅哥，載著剛放學的我，告訴我Amy阿妗的死訊...乳癌奪走了她僅30多歲的生命，留下叔叔和3歲的堂妹。那次對神明廳的記憶是一張Amy阿妗微笑的照片以及旁邊的一片模糊和阿嬤含著淚慢慢遞過來的紙巾...

對神明廳更新的記憶，是2003年，在太平租來的阿嬤家。那年，剛出社會的我，到爸爸和叔叔公司上班、學些貿易的東西，一邊在補習班教英文，想在繼續我的留學夢前有些社會經驗。阿嬤在篤行路的房子早就因為叔叔的負債被銀行查封、拍賣。之後，失去了根的阿公阿嬤就和叔叔們到處租房子、搬家，每一個租處，阿公阿嬤不管空間多擠，都會保有一個神明廳。阿公每天早上會做在神明聽的椅子上，閉上眼睛，用二手的CD播放機放著"南無阿彌陀佛"的經歌，那首我在Amy阿妗喪禮上也出現過的經歌... 也是在同樣的一個神明廳，三叔叔與爸爸和二叔叔撕破臉，阿嬤邊哭邊勸架，家族的爭吵未在眾人的勸和和眼淚中平息，三叔叔帶著堂妹和他剛娶的二房搬出了太平的家...

隨著這樣的記憶，來到了2010年的春節，爸爸媽媽蓋了大房子，接阿公阿嬤和姨婆過來住，神明廳同篤行路一樣，都在五樓... 孝順的爸爸蓋了電梯，讓早過了80的阿公一樣每天可以做電梯到五樓的神明廳放那首"南無阿彌陀佛"的經頌，做在椅子上，閉著眼睛，跟著經歌一起朗誦...

除夕夜，大家聚在一起，在1F阿嬤餐廳的大圓桌上圍爐...

阿嬤和阿公，終於又有了根、有了個可以告訴別人這是他的家的地方...

Foreign

The benefit of being foreign is .... learning.

Learning new stuff each day, each moment when you had a touch with the people, the culture, the foreign world.

You may see things that are strange, things are weird.

Cuz the weirdness comes from inability of understanding but sometimes the difference makes the beauty.

Then you find out one day, those things you could complain could also be the materials of adventures. The look of the world depends on how you look at it.

On the bus ride to the fisherman's wharf today. I sit right beside a guy and a friendly little dog. I let her smell my hand and pet her. She started to lick my hand. But the guy said right away 'she is working. Please don't play.' with an annoyed fake smile on his face.

He is neither blind nor disable... There are other jobs that a dog can have in daily life??!!

Honey saw the guy holding a book about food allergies. Maybe the dog's job is to smell the food for him before eaten? A new lesson of the day... People, aren't they attractive?

Walking on the foreign streets of San Francisco. You see man in dark green yellow suit of 80s style. You see a 50-year-old skater and a man with a mystery working dog.

You see characters, the characters of freedom, the freedom of weirdness and differences...

Spirit

Spirit... It's a mystery word with power that we can not imagine.

It represents the mother earth, the universe and everything else that we cannot put it in language.

I watched Avatar the 2nd time today.

Then I started to think about the beauty of Nature and the imagination that my mind can lead me to. Why would I waste my imagination and enthusiasm of fantasy??!!

How do you distinguish immature and chasing your dream?

Why is 29 too old to figure out what you want for your life?

There's never too late for a change. :)

I would hope so...

Home sick?!

Wine + Regina = feelings...

Finally got the packing done but I deserve a relax before bed.

So I got on FB checking V's bday photos in New Zealand, finishing the rest bottle of the wine and listening to Regina's Ne me Quitte Pas.

All the sudden, I think of the corner outside of mom & dad's house. Then I feel... home sick...??!!

Wow! Reeeeeeally???!!! Is this like the first time in... 3 or 4 years?? No idea.

I guess it's the fact that you realized even I'm going back to Taiwan in 2 weeks but V & S are in New Zealand and Australia. They won't be at home when I get back.

Everything's changed since the last time I was home.

Since when that we're all grown up, left our parents and hard to see each other again?

Hard to know when, where we are going to meet next time. Maybe Australia, New Zealand, Taiwan or Canada...

I know I should be happy and I am, I think so. I'm happy for them who are doing & chasing what they want and dream of...

...It's just felt sometimes the time past too fast...

...so fast that you'll be surprised while looking back once in a blue moon...

The Blower's Daughter- Damien Rice

And so it is
Just like you said it would be
Life goes easy on me
Most of the time
And so it is
The shorter story
No love, no glory
No hero in her skies

I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes...

And so it is
Just like you said it should be
We'll both forget the breeze
Most of the time
And so it is
The colder water
The blower's daughter
The pupil in denial

I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes...

Did I say that I loathe you?
Did I say that I want to
Leave it all behind?

I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind off you...
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind...
My mind...my mind...
'Til I find somebody new

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5YXVMCHG-Nk&feature=channel

Lately I can't stop humming this song in my head. It's a song full of helplessness, feelings and crash kind of love. A different kind that not everybody has chance to have.

If you have ever seen the movie 'Closer', you'd know.

What I learned from the movie is ....

To get closer... could be dangerous... ;) ha!

The 2nd year would be better...

One more week... Then I'll be gone from Mexico.

One year and two months in Guadalajara....

Today I met up with Os and Pao again. They introduced me to their mutual friends, Steve and Ty. We had a great Mexican lunch and nice chat about cultures.

It's sad that I'm leaving before the friendship could build up more.

The first time I met Paola was in Metropolitan Park. It was a sunny day like most other days in Guadalajara. We somehow clicked and like each other.

Then we met the 2nd time and the 3rd time. Unfortunately, it's too late to know Os and too late to know Pao & Chorro. I know we'd become great friends if time allows.

Maybe I am leaving too early. The 2nd year is always better. What did I learn from the past??!!

Bye bye, Mexico. I really love your lovely people and colorful food. And I really enjoyed the weather and all the road trips we had.

I'm gonna miss you...and all of our dear friends here

Adios!! Os, Chorro, Pao, Dave, Heidi, Rebeca, Brenda, May, Carlos, Aldo, Anahi, Karla, Osbado...

When you live alone...day13

Day 13

Woke up with weird dreams. Dreams about he and she were kissing and then we broke up?! Didn't really sleep well... The first thing when I opened my eyes in the morning is to count how many days I've been living alone.... 13!

When you live alone, you can't...

- hug your love when you feel touched watching a great movie

- get the glasses on the top of cabinet without getting a chair or stool

- fix the damn shower head

- not wash the dishes after cooking & eatting

It doesn't mean I can't live alone. I can and I have to.

It's just that sometimes in the end, you realized what's the most important.

I can be strong but I can be not in front of somebody who believes I will but won't mind if I don't.

And I am lucky to have this somebody already...

We shall be together... no matter what :)